Will you blow on my dice?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
