so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
