i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
we made out on top of his cat.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
