i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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