I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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