Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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