I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
