dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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