those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
