Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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