Screwed.edu
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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