i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
