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Fuck
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You are the jesus of drinking
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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