I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
