so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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