John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
