btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
