you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
