I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
