Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
