come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
