Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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