Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
