Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
