Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
