Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
