I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
