I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
