I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
