Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
