I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
