i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
