i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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