im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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