come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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