I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
