Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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