you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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