I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
