This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
