So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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