how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
