I need help removing her.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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