I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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