I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
