ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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