She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
