this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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