I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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