5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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