Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
