I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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