Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
