Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
