She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
